Sometime in June last year, I was brave enough to step out of the cocoon that I had carefully built around myself, and joined Tinder. Yes, yes! I had heard the stories and some really HUGE horror stories at that. Most of the “contacts” that I got were really dodgy and I didn’t even reply to them. I just got this gut feeling. (Something that I have learnt to trust over the years – and it has proved to serve me very well indeed). BUT, then around the beginning of July, I got a message saying “I like your smile”. I was intrigued…
After some time (a few weeks I think), I had the courage to reply. My reply “Are you an axe murderer?” His reply was hilarious, just my type of humour and as the saying goes, that was that. We started chatting. Firstly on Tinder and then later onto Whatsapp. I couldn’t wait to get messages from this interesting individual. I couldn’t wait to learn more about him. Conversation was easy, without strain or any of the forced pleasantries that often come with talking to someone that you barely know. From the very beginning, he held me captive with his wit and charm, forever the gentleman and always polite. By this time, he even had his own “pling” for messages, so that I knew it was him when messages came through.
After a few weeks of the back and forth banter, I decided that it was definitely time to meet this person that had so poignantly piqued my interest and intrigue. (He had already said that we should meet for coffee sometime!) So, I built up the courage to ask him to meet and give me a where and when. I was fully planning on doing this properly – meeting at a coffee shop with some escape route on standby, but it just didn’t happen that way. All the time we had been chatting, I just felt safe with this man. There were no red flags or alarm bells that rang. Again, I trusted my instincts. He was booked off at that stage after just having some type of surgery, so we agreed that after work that day, we would meet at his house for coffee. (He lives exactly halfway between work and home – very convenient!) The day at work seemed to drag on – as is so usually the case when you are looking forward to something later that day. And then it was time! And then my stomach was suddenly inundated by butterflies.
All the old familiar comments from my childhood and from ex started playing their usual dance in my head. Horror! He had only ever seen head shots of me – and at that stage I was still on the large side. What if everything that I had ever been told about no one ever wanting to love me or be seen with me were true? So I tentatively sent a last message before I left – “you do know that I am quite big?” and I waited for the reply, fully expecting that to be the last I would hear from him. But that was not the case! The coffee date was still on. My heart soared, but then so did my nerves. Suddenly it occurred to me, that I had gone to work dressed very casually, no make-up or anything. But the meeting was set to be, and that is how it was. I climbed into my car and started to make my way to my destiny. (I had already googled searched / stalked his house, so that there would be no surprises!) Tentatively, I pulled into the driveway – I knew it was the right house from Google street view! I phoned him and told him I was there! By this time, I was shaking from head to toe, I was so nervous. The gate opened and I was greeted by very enthusiastic dogs – which still happens every time I visit! And there he was…. The man that knew almost everything about me and still accepted me for me. I climbed out of the car and was greeted by the biggest, gentlest hug I had ever known.
The coffee date turned out marvelously. We chatted for hours – he knowledge of the world and things I have never even heard of, is immense. I never grow tired of listening to his tales. Every day I learn something new from him. Driving home after that first meeting, I couldn’t stop grinning like a stupid school girl. (I still do that every time I think about him, or hear his voice, or read his messages!) So on the 25th July, it sort of became official – I had a boyfriend. I had Daughtry playing loudly in the car and one song in particular came on: Never could the timing of a song be better.
“Start Of Something Good”
You never know when you’re gonna meet someone
And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone
You’re just walking around and suddenly
Everything that you thought that you knew about love is gone
You find out it’s all been wrong
And all my scars don’t seem to matter anymore
Cause they led me here to you
[CHORUS]
I know that its gonna take some time
I’ve got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
This might end up like it should
And I’m gonna say what I need to say
And hope to god that it don’t scare you away
Don’t wanna be misunderstood
But I’m starting to believe that this could be the start of something good
Everyone knows life has its Ups and downs
One day you’re on top of the world and one day you’re the clown
Well I’ve been both enough to know
That you don’t wanna get in the way when its working out
The way that it is right now
You see my heart i wear it on my sleeve
Cause I just can’t hide it anymore
[CHORUS]
I know that it’s gonna take some time
I’ve got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
This might end up like it should
And I’m gonna say what I need to say
And hope to god that it don’t scare you away
Don’t wanna be misunderstood
But I’m starting to believe that this could be the start
Cause I don’t know where it’s going
There’s a part of me that loves not knowing
Just don’t let it end before we begin
You never know when you’re gonna meet someone
And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone
[CHORUS]
I know that its gonna take some time
I’ve got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
This might end up like it should
And I’m gonna say what I need to say
And hope to god that it don’t scare you away
Don’t wanna be misunderstood
But I’m starting to believe
Oh I’m starting to believe that this could be the start of something good.
I cannot believe how one person can have such a positive impact in my life. Everything that I thought I knew about love and life and everything in between has been turned upside down by this amazing man. Even when the demons in my head start playing tricks on me and I start believing them – he patiently allays my fears and assures me that he is not going away. He has taught me that love is good, kind and patient. The amount of care that he gives me is beyond measure – even when my pain levels are at their worst. He gently takes care of me, even driving me to doctors’ appointments when I can barely walk. He has shown me the good side of life – how to laugh again, how to smile. He understands me and accepts me for me – flaws and all – and best of all, its okay and he comes back again. He knows my history, and has met my demons and seen my quirks (and there are a lot) – and still he comes back. This man that has changed my world, and found a way into my heart, and shown me that there is good in the human race (read men). Being with him is easy. Its not awkward or forced.
The way he stands with my patiently while I listen to the chime in 200 necklaces for find the exact one, the way he wipes away my tears when I am in so much pain that I don’t know what to do any more, the way he sits through graduations because I am petrified of public speaking and I have to emcee the proceedings, the way he listens to me rant and rave about things that are totally beyond his control but just listens, the way he holds my hand because I am petrified of flying, the way he orders extra lemon for my water (and lots of it), the way he holds my hand in public, the way my hand fits perfectly in his, the way I fit perfectly in his embrace, the way he gets excited for me when I sit watching another aeroplane go by, the way he watches “chick flicks” with me, the way he held me when I was broken when a friend passed away and he didn’t even know her, the way you “window shop” shoes and make up with me on the internet….
Being together is the best thing in my world right now. His touch, his smile, his eyes, his embrace, his love….
David Wilson, words could never explain or describe fully how much you mean to me. I could never thank you enough for everything that you do for me. You allow me into your bare soul, clothe me in your honesty and love me unconditionally. You are the other half of me that I have craved my whole life. You ease my soul and put my fears to rest. I cannot wait for the many adventures that still wait for us. You have my heart and soul. I love you plenty much, always and forever.